Can someone please proofread my profile? Thread poster: Andreas Nieckele
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Hello dear colleagues,
Can someone please help me out? I completely rewrote my profile, and would like to have it proofread by someone whose native language is English. Is it written like a native english speaker would write? Are the sentences well structured?
I appreciate comments and suggestions, btw (I feel it's somewhat long... what do you think?).
Thanks!
| | | | | No, it is not too long | May 5, 2009 |
At least, I do not think so, since my own is long, as well.
[Edited at 2009-05-05 22:02 GMT]
| | | | Susan Welsh 
United States
Local time: 12:41
Russian to English
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I couldn't tell whether Astrid was volunteering, but since it's late in Germany now, I will do it. Astrid, if you're doing it, please let me know.
Susan
| | | | jmf
United States
Local time: 12:41
Member (2006)
Spanish to English
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Sara Senft
United States
Local time: 12:41
Spanish to English
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| A few suggestions | May 5, 2009 |
I agree that you should capitalize "brazilian." Nationalities are always capitalized when you write in English.
I also recommend reorganizing this sentence: "I only work with content I'm deeply familiar with." English sentences should not end with prepositions. (There is some debate about this. I rarely end sentences with prepositions.) You could say in several ways. I suggest something like "I only work with familiar content."
[Edited at... See more I agree that you should capitalize "brazilian." Nationalities are always capitalized when you write in English.
I also recommend reorganizing this sentence: "I only work with content I'm deeply familiar with." English sentences should not end with prepositions. (There is some debate about this. I rarely end sentences with prepositions.) You could say in several ways. I suggest something like "I only work with familiar content."
[Edited at 2009-05-05 23:27 GMT] ▲ Collapse
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Thank you for your help! I have already updated my profile, based on your suggestions.
I think it's pretty good now, but I'm always interested in more suggestions!
| | | | Kai Döring
Philippines
Local time: 00:41
English to German
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SITE LOCALIZER | Willingness to work, Project replies | May 6, 2009 |
It would be nice if you could get direct comments from your clients. This may improve your ratings.
[Edited at 2009-05-06 04:37 GMT]
| | | | | A consistency issue? | May 6, 2009 |
"Video games, software, internet" in your tag line. You use "internet" all in lowercase, whereas you use "Internet" in the rest.
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Suzan Hamer
Netherlands
Local time: 18:41
English
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Sara Senft wrote:
I also recommend reorganizing this sentence: "I only work with content I'm deeply familiar with." English sentences should not end with prepositions. (There is some debate about this. I rarely end sentences with prepositions.) You could say in several ways. I suggest something like "I only work with familiar content."
[Edited at 2009-05-05 23:27 GMT]
I haven't yet had the time to read your profile, but I must recommend further reorganizing the sentence: "I work only with familiar content." To write "I only work with..." means "I only work with it; I don't eat it or play with it or do anything else with it." As for not ending sentences with a preposition. Yes, that's what we're all taught and aim for. But, to quote Winston Churchill: "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." Sometimes strict adherence to this rule looks ridiculous.
| | | | Sara Senft
United States
Local time: 12:41
Spanish to English
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| On second thought.... | May 6, 2009 |
Hmm....
I read your comment about rephrasing that sentence. You do make sense. That was the first alternative that came to mind, and I DID acknowledge that there are other ways he could have said it.
Suzan Hamer wrote: Sara Senft wrote:
I also recommend reorganizing this sentence: "I only work with content I'm deeply familiar with." English sentences should not end with prepositions. (There is some debate about this. I rarely end sentences with prepositions.) You could say in several ways. I suggest something like "I only work with familiar content."
[Edited at 2009-05-05 23:27 GMT] I haven't yet had the time to read your profile, but I must recommend further reorganizing the sentence: "I work only with familiar content." To write "I only work with..." means "I only work with it; I don't eat it or play with it or do anything else with it." As for not ending sentences with a preposition. Yes, that's what we're all taught and aim for. But, to quote Winston Churchill: "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." Sometimes strict adherence to this rule looks ridiculous.
| | | | Paul Malone
France
Local time: 18:41
Member (2004)
French to English
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| I think it's too long | May 6, 2009 |
Hi Andreas,
I've had a quick look at the English and it looks fine to me.
However, I think you are packing in far too much information. I believe a lot of it is unnecessary.
I don't know much about marketing, but experience and instinct tell me this; if you tell your potential clients too much about yourself and your work, they may not be curious enough to contact you to find out more.
Another point I would make is this. Try to imagine that yo... See more Hi Andreas,
I've had a quick look at the English and it looks fine to me.
However, I think you are packing in far too much information. I believe a lot of it is unnecessary.
I don't know much about marketing, but experience and instinct tell me this; if you tell your potential clients too much about yourself and your work, they may not be curious enough to contact you to find out more.
Another point I would make is this. Try to imagine that you are a Project Manager. It's almost time for you to go off duty, but a client needs a translation by tomorrow and all your regular translators for that language combination are unavailable.
What do you need? You need to find a profile with all the essential information, but you need it to be as brief as possible. If there's too much text, the likelihood is that you'll move straight on to the next potential candidate, just to save time if nothing else.
No, I think the English in your profile is fine, but there is simply too much text in my opinion.
Don't hesitate to drop me a ProZ.com message if you think I can be of further help to you.
If you do, I will do my best to help you make your green squares turn red
Best regards,
Paul ▲ Collapse
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